Woof, woof! Lying is a normal part of childhood and is even considered an important developmental milestone. By about age four, children begin to understand that other people have thoughts, feelings, and knowledge separate from their own. This new awareness in their social interaction often coincides with kids starting to say things that aren’t quite truthful or a little misleading.
Younger children might still be learning the difference between what’s right and what’s wrong, and may not be totally honest if they really want to please an adult or avoid letting them down. Kids may also lie to experiment with behavior, boost self-esteem, gain approval, or deflect attention from themselves, this can be especially true of kids who struggle with anxiety, depression, or low confidence. Impulsivity, particularly in kids with ADHD, can also lead to unintentional lying. Additionally, some children may believe their own imaginations or inaccurate memories.
When kids fib, how adults respond can have a big impact on how they understand truthfulness. Upon discovering a lie, a calm, curious approach works best. It’s helpful to discuss what lying means and why honesty matters. When having the discussion about lying, make it clear that they won’t get punished for telling the truth, and that you value their honesty more than them being perfect or behaving perfectly. If you notice a lie, you might say, “I’m going to help some of the other kids make their craft. I’ll come back in a few minutes to see if you want to change your answer.” This truth-checking strategy can encourage honesty by making it clear that sharing the truth won’t lead to negative outcomes.
Children learn by watching the adults around them. Modeling honesty in small ways can teach the kids in your care that it’s a value you live by not just a rule you enforce. That being said, there may be times when a lie’s purpose or the problem’s seriousness is deserving of a consequence that is proportionate. A response to more serious lies, like those involving responsibilities or misbehavior, should address the underlying issue such as apologizing for harmful actions.
Storybooks and children’s media can also be useful tools in reinforcing the value of honesty. Kids relate to characters and stories mirroring their lives, particularly those showing mistakes as learning opportunities.
With patience and understanding, and by showing them what honesty looks like you can help the kids in your care to be truthful and trustworthy as they grow up.
Tail wags to you!